I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
