I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
