Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Alive.
So much puke
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
