they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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