We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
