How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
