...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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