I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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