My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
