Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
