what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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