i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
