Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
