I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
