Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
