I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
