I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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