i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
