I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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