The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
