3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
