saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
