Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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