and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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