I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
