maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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