i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
