I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
