I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to sanitize my soul.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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