is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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