We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
