You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
