i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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