The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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