Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
