Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
