Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
