we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
