real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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