dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
