I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
