and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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