Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
