I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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