This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
