Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
