So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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