A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish you could order shots online.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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