You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
