I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
