hotel room ftw
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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