you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
