no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
