just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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