worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As shirtless as possible
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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