I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
