She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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