fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
