cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
