I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
how does that bad decision feel?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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