I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
