you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
