dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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