I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
